im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
