I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
