His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
