Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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