Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
