I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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