Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I fill condoms, not promises.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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