Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(407): View more from Florida

I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."

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(414): View more from Wisconsin

the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.

Fav 26 6712 947
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(904): View more from Florida

youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb

Fav 26 1062 5657
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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?

Fav 44 7422 1483
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(845): View more from New York

Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way

Fav 5 1537 793
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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.

Fav 13 1927 1010
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(773): View more from Illinois

Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself

Fav 14 1455 942
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(718): View more from New York

He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.

Fav 2 108 22
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(832): View more from Houston, Texas

The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"

(832): View more from Houston, Texas

I won.

Fav 0 66 18
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