My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize