I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
