im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
