im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
