We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
do herpes really smell.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
