u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I have fence marks all over my body
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
