my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
