I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
