it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize