Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Randomize
