I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
