you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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