The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
