24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I wear drunk well.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize