Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
