i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
