I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
