fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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