Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Success! We fucked roommates!
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