we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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