just come out here and I will go home with you...
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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