She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
worst night to have a conscience
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
