i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize