Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
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