Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
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