just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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