I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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