I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
