After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
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