So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
false alarm, still single
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
