Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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