The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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