Yo dont text me then not text me
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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