guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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