Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
