I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
