I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Randomize
