My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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