Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
