she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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