so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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