you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize