I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
