I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
