Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
