Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
