It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
