I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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