Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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