Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
