I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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