im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
if i can run in heels then i can drive
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
i drank out of a bidet.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Randomize
