and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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