Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
