hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
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