I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
It's like God shit irony all over that family
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
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