Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
