We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
