I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
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