I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
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