The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
