he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
