She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
