I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
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