you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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