I can't watch pbs sober anymore
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Randomize
