dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
she smelled like a LAN party
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
