I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
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