I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
