All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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