If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
