My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
