I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
