I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
