I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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