They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
