i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
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