There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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