Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
