the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
My vagina just recognized that song.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
