Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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