Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
