Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
