The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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