I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Randomize
