Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
