A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
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