I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
