after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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