Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
and she was petting her beer can
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
