We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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