hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
